I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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