Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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