another moral hangover. fuck.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
