I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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