Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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