Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
