You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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