Only a mothe r could love this liver
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
