I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
