The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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