I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
