A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
