I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
