if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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