what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
