I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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