He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
