I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
