I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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