Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
