I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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