He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
