True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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