real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
