I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your mouth is God's brothel.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
