i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
