i don't like sucking hair
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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