He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
