Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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