Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
