Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
