Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
