Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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