once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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