I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
