1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
