Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
