You can't special order awesome
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
