We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
