i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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