I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
