If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
