Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
