I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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