I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
