ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
