i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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