So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
