you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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