I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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