That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
