Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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