I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
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To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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