you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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