he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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