I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She's the barista slut.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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