...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
