no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
