dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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